by Maria Teresa De Donato, Ph.D., Life Strategist

(Phillip K. Dick, I Hope I Shall Arrive Soon)

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away

Get real! How many times have we heard and even used this expression? Hundreds, maybe even thousands. But what does “getting real” means, and why is it so essential to get real? As we will see, getting real includes several factors: acceptance, understanding, awareness, focus, determination, and courage.

First, getting real means accepting who you are the way you are and what it is for the way it is. The act of acceptance, however, does not necessarily encompass giving in and passively undergoing whatever Life brings to you. Instead, it defines the way it is, giving it its proper name. All of this requires true understanding and full awareness of your Higher Self and reality, regardless of how you perceive it. Perceptions, in fact, can be misleading. However, you can reset and correct them if you are aware of their dynamics and how the wrong or unbalanced ones interfere with you, your vision, your life, and maybe your health and wellness. 

Being in denial and getting stuck thinking about the unfairness of what happened to you, what others did to you, and why along with making excuses and indulging in fantasy land, do not help you at all. On the contrary, they all contribute to a significant loss of time, energy, and focus, which only extends your agony and delays the solution to your problems and, with it, the possibility of reaching happiness and success.

That said, looking at yourself the way you are – not as you would like yourself to be – and examining the situation you are in as it really is – and not as you wish it were – is a must. Besides, stop blaming other people, beginning with your parents, for they are usually the first to be blamed for our lack of success and shortcomings, aren’t they? Accept the fact that they all did what they could, that is had they been able to do better, they would have certainly done it. Stop justifying your mistakes and lack of success no matter how tempted you are to do so and how easily or hard you try to rationalize them. Accept accountability as a way to grow up, mature, and progress. Take full responsibility for your life, both for what you have done to contribute to it or not to avoid it turning the way it did. 

Yes, you may be right; you may have struggled growing up in a dysfunctional family and quite unfavorable circumstances. Yet, accepting reality, being determined to take control of your life, and daring to put a period and turn the page may be all you need to start walking the path to happiness. You don’t have to keep suffering for the mistakes – real or perceived as such – that others, willingly or unwillingly, did and caused pain to you, nor keep repeating yours repeatedly. It would be best if you took this opportunity to have a new fresh start and move on with your life. Only by recognizing something and accepting it is what it is can you become fully aware of yourself and the reality you are in, delineate a strategy, work towards the solution of the problem, and, consequently, move forward and accomplish more.

Interestingly enough, delineating a strategy and working towards the solution of a problem, more often than not, do not involve a physical action but rather a mental one: acceptance, that is, the act of surrender to the real one is confronted with and the awareness of what can be done in terms of taking a different approach or experiencing a different perception or belief, and consequently, a different feeling toward that reality to move on. By doing so, you may feel that the problem is miraculously solved. The situation, however, may still be there and yet appear as having been dissipated, all of a sudden, from your view of your different approach to it and your new way of looking at it. When this happens, you will have stopped self-boycotting yourself and finally tuned in with your true Self. 

This will be the start of a much better journey than the one you may have had. No need to say, however, that there might be things you have to do differently as well, for you should not expect to be successful by keeping doing the things you have been doing in the way you have, and which have led to no positive outcome and still expect a different result. 

In conclusion, no matter where you are or how dire your circumstances may be or appear to you, be aware that there is always room for improvement, for making a U-turn and embracing the much happier and brighter future which has been waiting for you. Remember: All you need to succeed is already within you.

Maria Teresa De Donato©2013-2023. All Rights Reserved