by Hemalatha Gnanasekar

Review by Maria Teresa De Donato

We have already encountered Hemalatha Gnanasekar’s work through her publications Life Lessons from India—A Woman’s Memoir and The Guilt Is Alive, which both allowed us to appreciate her nurturing, empathic, and caring nature and feel her deep and boundless Love for her family.

In Joys and Woes of Marriage in India, Hemalatha explores the cultural traditions and behaviors of young Indian married couples, highlighting the many issues they might face, especially during the first months of marriage.

The greatest challenge is moving into their in-laws’ family, adjusting to their different ways of Life, and trying to get along with everybody. At times, however tricky and unpredictable these situations might be, they are the hardest and yet most educational life lessons one might get. They help young and married women refine their personalities, get out of their shells, and learn how to negotiate, compromise, and adapt.

Should problems arise between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, fiancés or even husbands will hardly side with their girlfriends or wives. Respect for parents and a highly regarded sense of duty are expected and demanded in the Indian cultural and family establishment.

The success of the new couple’s married life will strongly depend on personality, adaptability, and ability to cope with unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations and requests expected by her in-laws.

The “marriage arrangement” organized and taken care of by a family member – usually a man, be it the father, an uncle, or the eldest son – is still rooted in Indian culture. Once consulted, the temple priest will recommend “the auspicious time for the marriage” after carefully examining the horoscopes of the spouses-to-be.

The result of these “alliances” between families can be very successful if the bride and the groom like each other, fall in love, and get along, or a total disaster if they do not. In the latter case, they will feel trapped in a marriage with no way out.

Regardless of Life’s ups and downs and our ability or lack of ability to negotiate and adapt to the new, all issues—or most of them—can be quickly resolved when true Love, empathy, and patience lead our lives.

Hence, despite some evident differences among cultures, Hemalatha’s message to the readers seems to be, “Sometimes all young ladies—and not just them—need to do to solve differences, misunderstandings, and difficult situations is to kindly talk to their husbands with an open heart while expressing their true feelings and worries about challenging situations they are being confronted with. Respect, kindness, and setting a good example can be instrumental to gaining their trust and unconditional Love and that of their in-laws.

Once again, through her gentle, kind approach and appealing writing style, the Author highlights the importance of love in our lives and the fact that true love can perform miracles if we only give it a chance. Thus, she reminds us that Love can happen at all ages and in the most sudden and unpredictable settings and ways.

Joys and Woes of Marriage in India is a beautiful publication I recommend to people of all ages, especially those interested in Indian culture and traditions.